So, a lot of people really liked this video where creator @blockout24 bursts your bubble about celebrities essentially having no agency, no discretion over their actions, opinions or even their politics.

Celebrities are the world’s most obedient employees, for whom there really is little mercy when they don’t comply (*cough* Rachel Zegler *cough*).

As surprised as I was at just how many people were shocked to learn that corporations control just about everything they love, I realised it just about primed them for the next hard pill to swallow.

A lot of people on the internet get really mad at Alex Cooper for her rather obviously bad interviewing skills. People ask me, “Chayan, why is Alex Cooper such a bad interviewer?”. My answer, without hesitation, is “she isn’t”. Well, she might  be, but that’s not why she gets deal after deal and the most exclusive celebrities  “bear their souls” on her show.

Call Her Daddy was previously owned by Barstool podcasts, and now by Spotify media. Spotify has ambitious goals, it wants to be the go-to platform where people don’t just listen to music, podcasts or audiobooks, but where people get their news, influence, culture and shape how they think, consume and at times, even vote.

The way to buy influence is to call on people with influence, i.e., celebrities. The historian in you might be interested in how Martinson’s coffee was the original celebrity-to-influencer pipeline, but that’s a rabbit hole for another day.

The long and short of it is, celebrities are owned by their corporate overlords, influencing fans to consume, think and vote in the corporation’s interests. When you have that much influence you kinda have to be owned by a corporation and bound by endless contracts because to let you loose is simply too risky (*cough* Rachel Zegler *cough*).

So Alex’s number one objective is Spotify’s number one objective: be the go-to podcast for celebrity interviews.  And no, I don’t mean the celebs have to actually like being there . Remember, its not their decision, it’s the companies that own them. And the companies  need to know their stars are going somewhere safe, where they’ll get asked questions they can prepare for in advance, avoid surprises, minimise risk and maximise aura.

Call Her Daddy lets them do just that. It’s lowball, pre-decided questions, just enough fake vulnerability and  a sprinkle of titillating marketing to have viewers guessing who’s gonna be the next guest will be. Let me guess, the nepo baby with a new album/movie/scandal coming out.

And viola! You’ve got yourself a number one culture-shaping podcast.

But the question remains: Why can’t Alex Cooper be more interesting as the interviewer? Surely, it would only increase viewwership and loyalty… *sighs* Ah, youthful innocence.

Alex Cooper absolutely cannot and must not be too interesting of an interviewer. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a clause in her contract forcing her to say “No way” every three minutes. The reason?

One, it’s too risky for celebs to have too much personality. The collapse of the Ellen empire, painful Diane Sawyer clips holding Britney’s feet to the fire about her dating life and Oprah’s countless instances of bodyshaming means talk show companies had to pivot and create what I call the ‘Teflon Interviewer’.

The Teflon Interviewer is glossy enough to be aesthetically pleasing but not so much to outshine the guest. Says just enogh gen z words to seem relatable but is never actually “based” on anything. Thereby, intensifying the celebrity guest’s aura and star power. It’s mass-produced clip-farming to convince us that wit and humour are alive and well.

And because Spotify offers the celebrities’ corporate overlords a safe, algorithm-friendly playgrounds to roll out their celebrity assets in this virality-guaranteed platform, Spotify likely gets some kind of exclusivity in return, successfully crowning it the Culture King of social media. Issuing ‘cultural moments’ like they were royal decrees.“Let them eat slop”, she said.

These arrangements aren’t anything new btw, they’ve existed for a while now, Oprah x MJ, Ellen x Sofia Vergara, Rosie O’Donnell x Britney Spears, the list of contractual frienships goes on.

But at least back then, they had to larp harder to seem authentic and like they were genuinely being grilled by the interviewer, the original “tell-all” interview. Mostly because we were more scrutinising as a society.

But today, the majority don’t even watch or listen to the Call Her Daddy podcasts. Instead, they consume the recommended dose of  8-10 viral clips of rehearsed “slay” moments, satiating our already slop-heavy diets.